Wednesday, March 3, 2010

What do you EXPECT from me?!?

Food, Water, Fire, Power... more elements than the particles of Earth and Wind can percieve in me. I type with one hand as I use one brain, one heart, one mind, to deliver what I have to say. So the multi-answered question up for discussion is...

What do you EXPECT from me?

What do too many people expect from me...

I always think in my own silence. "I wonder why so many people always want so much from me and arent doing anything to help ME!?" Many people have their own expectations and wannabe requirements from me and quote on as "asking" for me to do this and do that for them. Maybe in my self-righteous, unselfish mind, I am too kind. I never really get enough implemented tasks that I really have to turn someone away. Visions flock and dreams appear in sight and mind that I really notice myself being taken advantage. Maybe I have the most talents than others close to me, and I tend to do more for them than I should. OK, Yes its helping me perfect my craft and talents but not assisting me as financially as should, at all!

Lets not front; Family always expects discounts, as do close/best friends... but what good is that doing for the one putting in work?

Mind over matter says the same as matter. Dont be used, and dont gain the feeling of being used. So do for yourself and treat everyone equally. Theres not so much that family does financially to support me but say a few words of encouragement. Those words that I already speak to myself. But when you see others splurge and buy out the world, and you're left struggling just to get by; because you let them "Slide"... does that make you weak or unresponsive to your own responsibilities to pay your own bills. Even as you're being watched, seen strugglin, known for hustlin to make your next dollar.> Why does that not phase them?

Conclusion gains in resolution.

When I put forth that notion, "I have to do for me!" and Build on my independence and plans to evolve and gain my business properly... Does that put animosity into the eyes of those closest to you because you are trying to make it on your own and cant give free handouts to everyone because you need to get by and need their support? or does the laws break in the rule book that says "Family always gets discounted!" and they accept the terms of "It's only Business!"

Shit, Im trying to make money just like the rest of the world. So, what do you expect from me?!?!?!?

Being REAL comes mostly from speaking with your heart, not just your mind.

Time and time again I begin to look over those few people that I call to claim as my family and friends, And in that SAME time, I shake my head and only want to call them All associates. Sort of like coworkers to my lifes job. No reason to trust them all, No choice to tell them everything that happens in my life, no excuses to deliver to them.

This is ME. I am, who I've always said I'll be. An REAL Individual.

No one I really choose to communicate with because most dont understand the things I say. Like a reoccuring Revelation of my evolutionary existence... See... Did you get that?!?!?

I dont know if you did, but this is how I speak. More depth than most and more understanding for self and my own respect, protection and determination. I constantly see and begin to realize how shallow some people are and how self centered some people are. Those people that claim to be real... As saying that they arent afraid to speak their minds, but inside, are afraid to release their own hearts emotions.

It's something I've always had a shrewd sense about. Fake People. And its worse that people cant read themselves.

People that cant accept their flaws, and try to hide their insecurities with money and fake alter egos or joining the packs of others.

I have too much sense to be my own identity. A star in universal space among broken craters and ash.

Many times I am set to deal with undying displays of ignorance and negativity from the people that are supposed to be closest to me, and people think I'm supposed to hide my thoughts and what I feel. That is something I can not do. From my youth, I never spoke of my feelings and kept my world in my hands, but growing and maturing from that, a freedom has set and I dont have any reason to hide away from being ME. No one can tell me to disregard my feelings just for the judgment of others. I dont care about what others think of me or the words I say, or how I carry myself. No one is caring for me the way that I am so they dont have any authority over me. Family or not, friends or not, boss and coworkers... If I feel some type of way about the actions displays around me, Im going to speak on it. I will not hold my tongue to the world. What goes on in the family, should stay in the family.... I dont believe that! If the family is broken, dysfunctional, and not catering to my emotional, physical state, then the family needs fixing, and that fixing means exposure, and intervention...or I shall just have to remove myself from that negativity. Simple as that. When others dont have the strength to break free from the recycled realms of dysfunction, negativity, and people trying to hold you back, shut you up and bring you down, I stand up, I speak out, I move forward. Even if it means being alone in order to do it. I am too extensively positive for negative setbacks to encounter and overtake my world.

"If I am the leader of my pack, I must speak first. I cant encourage unbrave souls to speak the voice of the fighter, I can only force them to prepare the fight of his heart." -QSS